apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
