I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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