Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
