She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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