Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
