I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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