She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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