Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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