So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
