Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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