well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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