here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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