everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize