I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
