At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
