I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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