If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
