Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
