The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
