Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
