the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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