My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
