apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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