I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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