I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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