Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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