She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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