smell my finger.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
