She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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