I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
