what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
