before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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