well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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