Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
