Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
