you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
