in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
