one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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