is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
