Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
