Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize