He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
