did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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