that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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