everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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