Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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