it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
