so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
