Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
