uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
