I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
