i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
