So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
it's great music for shaving your balls
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He has the fingertips of a God
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