Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
