SEEEEXXX PLEASE
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
the liver wants what the liver wants
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize