He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
