she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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