Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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