yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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