if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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