How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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