She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i love accidental penises.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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