well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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