He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
