I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
