if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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