Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
