Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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