it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
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