i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
