toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
