my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
