You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize