while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
