She announced her abortion via fbk
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
