I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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