Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
