My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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