We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sext me about skeletons
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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