my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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