well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
