definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
