I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
