Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
