is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize