I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
