there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
