Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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