There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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