if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
