There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
