alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
