I like my sex mixed with concussions.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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