since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
