Can i not drive my cunt home
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
