well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
