FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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