ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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