I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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