all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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