I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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