How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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