lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
