the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
