Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize