tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
