he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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