You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
