i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
