Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
