It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
