clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize