Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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