People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We need to get me chipped asap
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
