my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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