I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
