A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
