ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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