oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
