i barfeds in our rink
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
