are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
