my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
