no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
